I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
