I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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