and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
