i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
