i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
