I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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