her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So apparently I’m into choking now
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
