Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
