i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
