im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
