hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
