i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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