Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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