just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
