R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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