Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
