Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
