I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
