I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
