I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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