omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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