is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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