We're like a lot better than the average bears
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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