I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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