Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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