hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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