well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
