Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
