And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
