why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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