just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
