Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
