What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I cut my penus on the lid.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
