Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
