His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
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