Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
