:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
