If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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