You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
