I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
