Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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