***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
