I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
