took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
