your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
