The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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