I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
