Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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