i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
