just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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