I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
