my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize