I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
