This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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