Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
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