me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
