Is it normal to miss your booty call?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
