Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
