I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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