If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
