i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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