What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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