...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
that is very illegal...i love you.
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