i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
