the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
