grandma shit on top of the toilet
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize