it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
