i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
