woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
