Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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