my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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