just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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