Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
