why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
