I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
