Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I look better un-naked...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
