I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize