Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
