I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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