Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
