I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
