so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
