just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
