my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
