So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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