Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
