I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
