I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
