remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
