the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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