you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
