why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
