i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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