mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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