hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So much Jack, so little girl.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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