I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
