So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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