I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize