so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
