My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize