I'm pants shitting drunk right now
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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