All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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