Christians are straight up FREAKS
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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