whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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