i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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